(this web page is a journey in progress 7/4/2023)
(it is written when suffering from a fever and needs much more work)
All belongs to God
All of this body belongs to God
All of my experiences belong to God including this one
He is all powerful and controls the duration and intensity
All is God's will
I know not the why of His will for it is beyond my understanding
But it may be to punish me, to test me, to strengthen me, to reward me, to prepare me, to serve Him. or
it may be for one or some or all of these or for some purpose beyond my understanding, I do not know
It is His will and I have complete faith and trust in it
And am fully accepting and thankful for all of it
All with a joyous and grateful heart
All is God's will
This experience may be a punishment
for my patience, faith and hope may not be strong enough, and this provides me an opportunity to strengthen them
It may be done to correct something within me and heal my soul
It may be done to humiliate me and break my pride and bring me back to myself
to have me question the foundation of my existence and weaken my attachments to the world
I know I have sinned and am a sinner and God wants me to repent
And my list of sins is long and grows each day
And although I try to account and repent for them all
I know that I miss some because they are so numerous and I am ignorant, lazy, forgetful, and prideful
And I pray for God to help me remember and account for them all, so I may repent for them all
But I am not worthy and hold on to some sin
So I welcome punishment to remind me of my shortcomings, so I may give proper repentance for all my sins
This experience may be a test as Job was tested
It is God's will
Do I have complete faith and trust in it
And am fully accepting and thankful for all of it
All with a joyous and grateful heart?
Is my faith, my trust, my hope, my patient endurance, my love for my Lord, my love for my neighbor,
my alignment of my will with His will,
my zeal to love and please Him, my desire for Him over His creations, the purity of my heart, my watchfulness,
my steadfastness to always choose Him,
are these diminished or are they strengthened?
This experience may be a reward
for illness kills the pleasure of the passions
When I am weak the Lord is strong
For in my suffering I may seek comfort, counsel, refuge and solace in Him
and this brings me closer to Him and I want to be as close to Him as I can be
and as I do that, I withdraw from the world of sin
so that I may have less new sins, so my sins are less than they might otherwise be
and so my list of sins will be shorter on my day of judgement
it leads to repentance and prayer and motivates the spiritual life
This experience may be preparation
For I know not the hour of my death
It may be very soon or far off
Only God knows this
But if I cannot patiently endure this experience,
how will I fare on my day of judgement
Where I must answer for all my sins
I must prepare for this
This experience may be to serve Him in ways that I do not know, but only He knows, for He is all knowing and I am not
This experience may be a taste of Christ's sufferings, part of the cross I must take up and carry in order to be worthy of Christ
How can this experience even compare to how my Lord willingly suffered on that day where he was beaten, scourged, crowned with thorns, nailed to and hung from a cross so my sins can be forgiven
All is God's will
I know not the why of His will for it is beyond my understanding
I have complete faith and trust in it
And am fully accepting and thankful for all of it
All with a joyous and grateful heart
All is God's will